Unsafe

The Stillwater River

I am aware I’m being abused by a loved one who believes I’m abusing her.  I am tolerating and even documenting it as an attempt to save her life (Lost post; rewrite)

I realized lying awake here at 4am that  l might die in the attempt from my heart disease  

Ironic to think I could pass in this old house, in A’s old bed!!  Even  my FIL was  brought to our house from whence he passed, not alone, not in squalor.

A says we’ll get through it together  but I must say  it’s hard to see any togetherness , which requires compromise and forgiveness as part of that unconditional love ideal  guess that is what confuses me about the big L that even Lee says is the basis of God  good flowing and composing life, being.  These devastating behaviors of people who supposedly love one another.  Of course I may be conflating the sacred and mundane  Wouldn’t be the first time  Help me, Jesus  and thank you for your angel in the waiting room yesterday 

Psalm 23 (KJV)

1. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in thepaths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4. Yea, though I walk through the valley of theshadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thouart with me; thy rod and thy staff theycomfort me.
5. Thou preparest a table before me in thepresence of mine enemies: thou anointestmy head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow meall the days of my life: and I will dwell in thehouse of the Lord for ever.
7. Amen

And this from Lee van Laer this morning, Inner Christianity this am, “a Constant Joy”

I cannot reconcile what has been, or where I am, or what will be.

I cannot gather my past into manageable folds or piece it together into what will hide my shame, or keep me warm and cool enough.

But I know that with God’s grace flowing into being, I can and must go forward. This is the only thing I can rely on; and so I turn my heart in that direction, to this unknown place, here and now, where Grace doth enter.

To be in Christ.

It is, in fact, safer than the known way