Guten morgen

 

Night scene 4:45 am. But he didn’t stay

Dreaming about 7 part competition—with whom? Distracted by a side octave-need to repair prior work. It was taking too long, but much better maybe best. Golf cart transportation. Pasting toilet paper ears on constructed mouse, adding white rope to overhead plant festoon. Sisters with me, at least C; nattering. 3?

 Is the advice:  just decide to be content?  That’s easier on your heart. Let D do the worrying?  “promise me” you’ll call worries me somehow. My lack of trust. 

Lee van Laer, Inner Christianity Substack today, “Prayer for October 12”

“O Lord, 

I am come again here to this place with thee. 

For this alone is the place of miracles 

here in being. 

And this alone is the place of glory 

that fills the heart and stills the soul 

so that your peace can be known 

here and now. 

And although each breath leads me forward into the unknown, 

You have me in your hands to guide me. 

For this breathing, 

I give thanks. 

For your glory and your goodness, 

I give thanks this day. 

For your goodness can be sensed throughout creation 

by every creature who receives it, 

and your truth is indeed everlasting. 

O Lord, 

I call to Thee from the depths of my own iniquity. 

I have not yet delivered myself sufficiently unto Thee; 

I know not how. 

But I know that even so, 

you are always with me here. 

Lord, have mercy.  I am come again here to this place with thee. 

For this alone is the place of miracles 

here in being. 

And this alone is the place of glory 

that fills the heart and stills the soul 

so that your peace can be known 

here and now. 

And although each breath leads me forward into the unknown, 

You have me in your hands to guide me. 

For this breathing, 

I give thanks. 

For your glory and your goodness, 

I give thanks this day. 

For your goodness can be sensed throughout creation 

by every creature who receives it, 

and your truth is indeed everlasting. 

O Lord, 

I call to Thee from the depths of my own iniquity. 

I have not yet delivered myself sufficiently unto Thee; 

I know not how. 

But I know that even so, 

you are always with me here. 

Lord, have mercy. “

Comforting rainy night

 

For the beauty of the Earth,

 Just crossed the street now

Thank you Lord for the glory of this your world and for eyes to see it

    Bless my loved ones, including the ones I’ve never met in person. Bless the attendees of A&E conference. 

    Thank you for Chabad’s Rabbi Josh Gordon of

Blessed Memory and learning from him. Thak you for sending helpers and A hearing me in my overwhelm

  God forgive my sins especially since I feel I don’t deserve forgiveness. Repentance and remorse I lay before you without expecting you to truly pick them up. I have failed to meet the mark: sin Jesus, wash me in your blood, redeem me with the price you paid. Yet can I go and sin no more?  If so, only because of the frailty of age rather than the frailty of my personality. IJN

No plans

 

S pic

To be

On yesterday’s walk

Lee Substack daily five today, I will be here,

“ Where will I find myself today? 

I do not know. 

Yet through sorrow and sensation, 
and breathing and joy, 
and grace and goodness, 

and glory, 

I will be here.”

Dream fragments:  on a n excursion with C. Memory of Lazarus store, now converted into dark old wood interior, coming down escalator to first floor by front entrance. This used to be cosmetic counters I bought a perfume here-was it volcane de nuit?  The sales clerk looked like a countess, but sounded like a hillbilly—shocking.  Go to pay—12:00 to 5:00 looks like , the man (BE?) says jovially. A has two square, hefty light machines $5/600 @. Oh.  I see you came prepared. You planned to get these. 

Missed 10-7

 

6-19-24. To commemorate Israel’s 9-11. 

The days just go too fast. 

  Odd we read Samuel and shuddered over David’s murderous conquest  of the kingdoms surrounding his with Jhwh’s approval yesterday

  You are mysterious, Hashem, what we know of you. What can we know of you?

  RB said last night GIG reconstructed God not as Judeo Christian version and he likes it, GIG got it right (my paraphrase). Not me I prefer JWHw and Jesus and Holy Spirit rather as I learned and know them. God help me. iJN

  Baruch said last night there are 76 wars currently being fought. I can only name two, but my time on earth has never been free of war. GIG says repeatedly that the urgent need for mutual destruction is the chief feature of humanity’s psyche. Not wrong there,  but once it’s said, can’t ask why or will you help us stop that, God. David’s career is one example of the belief that God approves and ordains war. Maybe RB has a point. What do I really know or do think I can know about the Absolute?  I can only and do ask for guidance. And forgiveness for this shared human condition. IJN

  Also YouTubed Rabbi Yehoshua Gordon’s Chumash on Chabad.org about Cain and Abel. I love these readings and interpretations of Torah. So different from Christian views, so many details that aren’t written in Genesis/Bereshit. So much certainty in the man and the group’s belief. TNJ

Alleluia

 

Oct 3,  our trail

Oct 4, our beautiful daughter

From Lee daily five Oct 5 Substack, Alleluia 

For what better hand can I put my own hand in? 

There is no other. 

And this is why it is said, 

Lord, have mercy. 

For the Lord is goodness and strength and love. 

And if I open my heart, help will truly come. 

I begin here, 

coming from nowhere, 

dwelling in nothing 

and yet The Lord is here with me. 

Alleluia. 

Alleluia. 

Alleluia. 

Dread

 

In the park yesterday 4:30

I hate waking with dread and worry. That can’t be good for my heart. Or my wish to be and to live on.  Yesterday was an argumentative day with A. S would not talk to me on phone. Fear of stuff, material goods— acquiring and disposing,, the albatross round my neck.  Intentional suffering?  PkdDg duty?  Plain old suffering?  

But blended with joy? ie the walk in the park yesterday early evening and all the people we encountered, all immigrants. I so enjoyed chatting with the friend family group of black haired boys Saggiga plus I Canadian blonde. “Guess where I’m from?” “Middle East. Lots of co there. Syria?” “Iraq! And him”. “Could also be Middle East, but maybe South America.”  “He’s from Brazil”. “How about me?”  “Central Africa.” Yes  “Rwanda?” “What? I thought you said Lugonda. I’m from Angola.”  “Angola! Weren’t they in a war once?” “I don’t know. Don’t remember.”  “How about me do I look African?” “Sure you do in this family. Are you from Westbrook?”  “ No. Canada.  He explained how he was here, but I can’t remember.  And last was Chris who lingered after the others said a kind goodbye, including “God bless you” and “he can’t really talk”  But he could, despite his drooling ill shaped mouth, with many comments about Red and my cane, which breakdown I demonstrated before he strolled away.

   God bless them all with good lives, and thank you especially that they are not spending their youth in an active military And how odd as I think of it that I am somewhat proud? or just curious? regretful? that my father enlisted at 15. during WWII 

   God bless and heal S and now C’s grandson J in his surgery today. Bless all my family and me with what we need. Live in my thoughts and heart today.  IJN