Equalizer

 

10-21-26

“Six feet of earth makes us all of one size.”

Lord people scream, beg, and blame you. And each other. Cruelty is sin in the extreme. We invent and watch justice or vengeance stories. Help us, help me, to seek. Solace in you. 

RIP Brad S. You didn’t improve with age, but your mother loved you and did not have to see you pass before she did, which she feared. Blessings on your remaining family, bro, his wife and half sister. I should include your life long partner, though I’m biased against her for no good reasons, God forgive me; and bless her most. 

Lee van Laer, Inner Christianity substack, prayer 9-5-25

…Help me to find the right path, the straight path. 

Help me to see the right within life and to cleave to justice and kindness 

rather than the inclinations of my own will,

which cares only for itself.

For this I need your help. 

There is no other.

 

May I remember thee with each breath that I take 

With each step. 

With each word. 

Help me to see the clear sky within myself

and the light of the stars as they shine down upon me. 

Help me to remember that thou only art the Lord, 

and to offer this life that has been given 

back to you in praise and thanksgiving,

Hair shirt

 

I’m 10-18-26, going to the park

Lee van Laer, Daily Five Substack today,  Resurrection 

“There is a stillness at the heart of being. 

And whenever I enter that stillness, 

I understand that I begin here,

and belong here first, 

and that I belong to the stillness, 

for it is not in my own nature to be still. 

Yet the stillness has more authority than I do. 

I always seem to be drawn away from it towards my outer life. 

The things that bother me. 

As though I had a right to be comfortable, 

and uncaring towards the world. 

From within this stillness, o

I see that there is not enough kindness in me. 

I will need to seek it elsewhere. 

I see that there is not enough love in me, 

for indeed I have none. 

I must seek that also elsewhere. 

And so I come to this stillness, 

searching for a greater good.” 

…..:.

   Really it’s just never enough, is it?  so that I don’t trust love and kindness if I do think I see them in myself. Is that what Jesus intends for his own?  I’m not so sure about that.  But then, Lee says

“ A force that loves in ways I cannot love, 

and speaks in words I cannot say. 

It enters to care for me 
by reminding me of my nothingness. 
And unlike the moments where my ego 
resists everything it is told in favor of its own self, 
here, in this place, 

through grace, 
in this stillness, 

I see a way in which I am grateful for my own nothingness. 
It helps me to see that I could become open 
to the possibility of becoming something more real;
but only if I am willing to abandon everything I know 
and enter the unknown.”

And that sounds like Jesus telling the rich young man to abandon all that h has and follow Him. We know that, like almost all of us, me included, he declines sorrowfully.

Mark 10: 17-22,— And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”  And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.  You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’”And he said to him, “Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth.” And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

Matthew 19:16-22. 

The Rich Young Man

And behold, a man came up to him, saying, “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?” And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.”  He  said to him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The young man said to him, “All these I have kept. What do I still lack?”Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

Lee encourages:

“ And the sensation of being begins to spread 

from the throat through the whole body, 
as though it were the voice that speaks 
and the word that is uttered 
at the beginning of all things 
which makes no sound 
and has no name 
but nonetheless brings grace with it. 

A force that loves in ways I cannot love, 
and speaks in words I cannot say. 

It enters to care for me 
by reminding me of my nothingness. 
And unlike the moments where my ego 
resists everything it is told in favor of its own self, 
here, in this place, 

through grace, 
in this stillness, 

I see a way in which I am grateful for my own nothingness. 
It helps me to see that I could become open 
to the possibility of becoming something more real;
but only if I am willing to abandon everything I know 
and enter the unknown. 

From here I see the way in which the silent word 
is related to the whole body of life. 
Penetrating every crevice within me. 
Opening me in such a way 
that it is possible to breathe in a tiny amount of the goodness. 

Helping it to penetrate more deeply into the being body. 
Reminding me that although I have done wrong many times, 
it is always possible to begin again, 
to care for life and being, 
and to embody the forgiveness that grace can bring into being. 

And so I say, 

Lord, I call to Thee from the depths of my iniquity. 
I have not delivered myself sufficiently unto thee. 
I know not how. 

And this place of stillness 
becomes the place where sorrow can enter
and life can begin again. 

Here in this moment 
is not just the moment of creation, 
the moment of eternity. 

Through grace, 
it also becomes the moment of resurrection. 

Lord, have mercy. ”

Flaubert on sin

 

My Flaubert, on the Sac trail, 10-12-26

Definitely not a riverdog 

Today’s Flaubert report, Riverdog,Substack, Lee van Lear today:

… (I) knew all along that my heart only and ever belonged to Jesus. The fact that is that even after I quit God, if Jesus had come along and told me to go back I would do it in an instant. For once I admitted Him to my heart, He never left it again; and I have Him in me everywhere I go, in every lifetime I am born into, despite my iniquities and all the sins that I must bear.

I will note that I am a very little dog and my sins are commensurately small, mind you; sins this small are barely mentionable compared, for example, to your own. For being larger than me, humans such as yourself soak sin up like sponges and the only way to get rid of it is by squeezing you very hard, like an orange, after each lifetime so that at least you start out fresh in the next round.

Don’t ask what they do they do with the juice….

   I always felt those writers-of-words around Jesus and His teachings were more like accountants, trying to count up who he was and what he said as though it were the numbers that mattered. I never saw a single one of them capture what was real about Jesus and His teaching, although the more eloquent ones occasionally came close.

The thing is, there were scribes present at every gathering; but the things they wrote down were never written on paper, but in the hearts of those who listened.

You had to be there.

…Jesus emanated an energy that somehow penetrated the body like a fluid, coursing through one’s veins—like the warmth of wine, but different. It relaxed a person; and in that relationship, and the quiet collected vibration of those in the circle, a new sense of being always emerge…; they knew something different was taking place here, something of the deepest importance.

It had nothing to do with the events of the world, the trouble that was sweeping it; and much trouble there was, as anyone knows. Politics, murder, warfare; oppression all around, with trust spread far too thin on the ground to pick up anywhere one went.

Yet here, there was trust.

And the trust was in Jesus.

He was a mere boy; but at the same time He was a King. One needed merely be in His presence to feel that.

Let me make that clear. You didn’t think “Oh, wow, this kid is the Son of God.”

You felt it.

In your very bones you felt it.

And if you felt it even once, that was it.

No convincing was necessary.

You knew.

TNJ

Yesterday walk Sac trail again

Beloved. New wig

Hardly know what to say today always use somebody else’s words it seems. Put in my heart it rolls around Lord, be with me who would be with those I love bless my daughter and her illness with recovery and strength. And thanks for the beauty and glory of your autumn in New England. Bless JG And his year ones, too. He is such a help to us. IJN

Mother lode

Sunday in the park

Though we suffer, we know You are present with us.  Quoting Lee.  And his Nov 1, 2025, prayer from Inner Christianity  Substack

Lord, 

Help me to begin again here, 

within the light of your love, 

in this your kingdom, 

which has no end. 

Help me to remember Thee with each breath I breathe. 

Help me to take in the goodness of this life and this world which you have made. 

Be with me and remind me to treat others with love and kindness and compassion. 

Lord, bring me to the hem of thy robe, so that I may sit at your feet in your presence. 

Help me to remember thee at all times and in all places today, 

and call upon me as often as you wish 

to give thanks and praise unto thee. 

For thy goodness is everlasting. 

Amen.

And I would add A sick woman touched the hymn of Jesus garment and was healed by her faith. Let that be so with my daughter. IJN

Bless us everyone

Today in the park

Misery everywhere. Help us dig out, please 

Anna in web asked today, what do we expect in our relationship with God?  What a perfect question to ponder, first asking for Your participation. IJN

Lee’s  prayer, Inner Christianity Substack 10-21-25:

Lord,   

you have brought me into the glory of this great cosmos,   

infinite in nature,   

which is your creation 

and your love   

and your eternal light,   

and offered me this life freely 

and without commands 

in the midst of all that is   

that I may be.   

I therefore present myself 

and freely offer thee

all that I am of myself

for without thee.   

I am nothing.   

Teach me to surrender and be thine.   

Soften my heart towards all of creation.   

Help me to remember the goodness of this earth 

and the creatures on it   

and help me to search for the goodness 

in the hearts of all mankind 

and in my own heart.   

I know not how to do this by myself, 

but when you join me, 

I know it is possible.  

My prayer today, Lord. IJN

Redux

Good morning, Lord

Schoolyard today

Peaceful so far. Jesus protect our dear ones especially. 

Lee, Inner Christianity Substack, 10-31-25.:

Lord,

I sometimes experience such sweetness in me 

that I forget myself and all creatures 

and wish to dissolve right into thee. 

But when I want to seize it, Lord, 

you snatch it from me. 

Lord, what do you mean by this? 

If you would entice me, why do you take it from me? 

If you love me, why then do you flee me? 

Ah, Lord, 

you do this so that I may receive much from you. 

Lord, I cannot rest except in you, 

and I have no well-being save in you. 

May the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost help us thus to seek God, 

and also to find Him. 

Amen.