First things first

 

Pitiful. Homeless, high 

on Bayside trail yesterday

Weird green man closeup

   I was dreaming I was at bro’s house. He was taking good care of me. Fixing dinner: pizza, w/steak or pork chop on top?  How novel! In the woods. Sil had something to say about dinner, typical objection/complaint 

   Secondly Lee van Lear today, reminds 

   “  I begin here as I am whatever condition I am in. 

I agree with myself to relax into that condition 

so that I inhabit it with the entire organ of my being. 

My whole being is an organ of perception. 

     

Borrowing again

Neighbor’s nature

“Gurdjieff says

There is no compulsory, mechanical evolution. Evolution is the result of conscious struggle. Nature does not need this evolution; it does not want it and struggles against it. Evolution can be necessary only to man himself when he realizes his position…3

So even with this apparently simple question regarding an aspect of Nature in ourselves, in relation to Gurdjieff’s thought, we come across much material requiring further chewing. Then, with the realisation of how I misjudged the depth encompassed by this subject, and the fact that I actually “understand,” even mentally, practically nothing after all about this, evokes also a certain emotional state, akin to, or approaching, that vital condition called by Gurdjieff “to realize one’s nothingness.”4 If I can experience this without identification, it is the very place from which an ascending octave can begin…

For the present, simply the bare question remains. Yet, in this very void, it is now possible for something to flow, as it were, with great force. Obstructions to this flow are, relatively, and perhaps only for a very short time to begin with, abolished. It is an opening. And, after all, life and its possibilities come to us from above  ISM 47, 57, 218” from Till Siegel Substack, Journal of Gurdjieff Studies, 4-6-26 What is Nature for Gurdjieff?”

Shiver

   

In South Portland

In the ‘hood

Flowers in Bloom thank you for the color but it’s awfully cold out. That wind!

Thank you for it all

Scary bad a-fib last night

 

Sending myself flowers from the ‘hood

       Around 7:30 pm right after my walk, food prep, and supper,!for about an hour, I felt.  High hobo measured -  159/90 if memory serves, pulse consistently around 141, headachy. I took my evening pills—propranolol and eliquis— plus an extra 180 mg diltiazim dated 2024 (I know better, but I was scared. 

    The whole incident got me thinking of the complications of our life since tha crash on march 12. Of If I die now. It could happen. No loved ones here to help with the transitions. Or support survivors, ir Red and my husband. This is hard .  Even thinking , do I call the doctor?  Weekend. Don’t want ER and hospital or ambulance. And eventually that may be inevitable. Not happy with my will and distance from lawyer or funeral home selected with A, also too far away. All down to no nearby caring relatives, as I saw when my parents and their generation passed.  So I’m worried. May be getting depressed and withdrawing. 

     S would come down to help her dad and Red for a while.  There’s a comforting thought  

     Help me, help us, great healer great Healer. IJN

Lee word

 

We both love a little dog

     I cannot pray or say so accurately and eloquently as Lee van Laer, so I borrow from him again today, from the Morning Five.

     “ I do not say here, "I wish to have being." 

For I do have being, as all creatures do. 
It is a gift given to me as a precious substance
in order that I may live and be, 
and to gather myself 
into a more concentrated expression 
of the goodness that the planet and the sun 
and all of creation need in order to exist. 

And so I enter into this fundament of relationship. 
The breath fills me. 
Sensation draws its being from the breath. 
And I begin to enter the stillness of the Great Prayer. 

And on the threshold of this sacred place I say, 
Lord have mercy 

for I sense I have been brought 
to the edge of a mystery so great 
that I will never fathom it; 

and yet still, in my own unknowing, 
this great mystery, the Great Prayer, 
calls to me, 

inviting me to be, 
to attend, 
to participate 

in a small taste of the glory,
which is everlasting. 

And although I can only ever hear 
the echo of the Great Prayer within me, 
it fills me with a longing 
for truth and love and life itself. 

I somehow wish to join its song 
even though I know not the music to it. 

Still, I will sing. 

This is the song of stillness, 
the song of silence. 

I am called to the song of love, 
the song of goodness. 

And here, within this place now, 
is where my soul comes to rest 
in order to begin the day.  

Adjudication Services

   

9-14-25, A down at the corner from home

  God give me patience and help that beloved boy happily navigate his atypical life. Send angels to protect him each moment.  IJN

 I received a letter today from Social Security, GA specifically, regarding A’s case for assistance. Responding is difficult due to bureaucratic snafus with communication. No immediate answers to any business calls in these times. This includes a full mailbox and phone # change for the person who sent the letter plus a five day deadline to respond. But I have, so ball’s in her court. Just wait for her call. 

Two in one

L &  C, her pic in Oh 3-4-26

   Busy day ahead. Many tasks planned  We’ll see in 12 hours, what gets done.  God give me strength for the day I pray IJN

     “When I and you are once embraced by the eternal light, that is one. Two in one is a fiery spirit, standing over all things yet under God on the circle of eternity this is two; for it sees God but not immediately. Its knowing and being or its knowing and the object of knowledge will never be one. 

God is not seen except where he is seen spiritually, free of all images. Then one becomes two, two is one. Light and Spirit These two are one in the embrace of the eternal light.”

       Meister Eckhart, sermon 9,  nine from Lee van Laer,  inner Christianity, today