Dread

 

In the park yesterday 4:30

I hate waking with dread and worry. That can’t be good for my heart. Or my wish to be and to live on.  Yesterday was an argumentative day with A. S would not talk to me on phone. Fear of stuff, material goods— acquiring and disposing,, the albatross round my neck.  Intentional suffering?  PkdDg duty?  Plain old suffering?  

But blended with joy? ie the walk in the park yesterday early evening and all the people we encountered, all immigrants. I so enjoyed chatting with the friend family group of black haired boys Saggiga plus I Canadian blonde. “Guess where I’m from?” “Middle East. Lots of co there. Syria?” “Iraq! And him”. “Could also be Middle East, but maybe South America.”  “He’s from Brazil”. “How about me?”  “Central Africa.” Yes  “Rwanda?” “What? I thought you said Lugonda. I’m from Angola.”  “Angola! Weren’t they in a war once?” “I don’t know. Don’t remember.”  “How about me do I look African?” “Sure you do in this family. Are you from Westbrook?”  “ No. Canada.  He explained how he was here, but I can’t remember.  And last was Chris who lingered after the others said a kind goodbye, including “God bless you” and “he can’t really talk”  But he could, despite his drooling ill shaped mouth, with many comments about Red and my cane, which breakdown I demonstrated before he strolled away.

   God bless them all with good lives, and thank you especially that they are not spending their youth in an active military And how odd as I think of it that I am somewhat proud? or just curious? regretful? that my father enlisted at 15. during WWII 

   God bless and heal S and now C’s grandson J in his surgery today. Bless all my family and me with what we need. Live in my thoughts and heart today.  IJN

Ibrahim redux

Color deepens. Nuances too. 

This morning 7:33am

   Ibrahim still on my mind, in a neutral way. He-this encounter-has become an impression to cogitate, a story to tell all my peops. How to craft it?  As a joke, as a victim, to startle my listeners as I first was. But I realize I have sympathy and empathy for a man I see as old and ugly, like me, and i imagine him as an old Arab ripped from his birth land through God knows what traumas—war? Little education? Bad dental health?😜 patriarchal authoritarian culture? Hates his job in the land called the Great Satan? Lack of empathetic imagination?  He can’t consider my possible problems. I do and I don’t consider his—I’m willing to trumpet as a story of personal and foreign rudeness what to anybody I know, while I can’t say that he considers the encounter at all past its moment.  Internalconsidering on both sides

  From Lee, Daily Five Substack:

“For life to be open, the body must be open to life. 

For the body to be open to life, sensation must be open to being. 

For sensation to be open to being, it must become primary

so that life is not a thing of the head and emotional reactions, 

but a thing of the heart and the way it beats. 

Life and sensation, 

dwelling in the blood of the body. 

Searching for a seat in the heart of love. 

Denying every force that would hijack them, derail them, 

and move them into territory 

other than that of love and kindness, 

So that the roots of sensation and being can reach deeper, 

deeper into the body 

in their search or contact with the soul. 

And this is a practical matter to be investigated 

here and now 

through breathing and through the circulation 

of the energy of sensation throughout the body,

which distributes itself equally to every particle, 

without preference, without hesitation. 

So that the body and blood become a whole thing here, 

within life and being….

Here we are. 

Life and being made one 

through the sensation of the body; 

and this is the place where secret songs are sung. 

Songs of subtle feeling filled with love and goodness

which penetrate everything at the root of creation. 

Here within us, now. 

The question is always whether I can resist my negativity

and put the sensation of being before all other things

as the rule and the law. 

As obedience and intelligence,

so that goodness and glory 

may have a firm place to stand in being. 

Lord, have mercy.”

   God the whole world adores you in the beauty of its creation. And I am shy to acknowledge and say I Adore you. I can see my sins and I ask your pardon. I thank you forI ask health and cleaning and light for S today and every day. I pray your aid for all my loved ones. I pray your blessings on Ibrahim IJN

A shock?

 

Still life here and now

Trash. You get to take it out then, Mr Goodwill from the Middle East   Guess I’m stung   This is anger   At all my losses  Those frames are actually material evidence of a broken important octave spanning many years and finally admitting it was over  he looked like a devil laughing in my face, T my attempt to salvage some grace from it  

Really?  We are loved equally?  Help me realize that, lord. 

Like I said, in the other blog, some of us keep our meanness inside a little more carefully.  Others let it fly and there’s the shocks. But I’m only now recognizing my lawful anger

Sunrise

 

Moments ago

Thank you for the beauty of your skies and for a pleasant start to the day 

Now ripping off Lee whole, Inner Christianity Substack, today, Sensation and Glory: 

Hi there, this is Lee, and you’re watching In The Moment, a series of commentaries on life, the Gurdjieff work, and many other things. 

And today, today is my 71st birthday, quite a while to have been on this planet. And I thought I’d start off today by reading a few notes I took about sensation over the last week. 

So let’s see what we’ve got on these little sheets of paper. 

Oh my goodness, the first note isn’t about sensation. 

Maybe I stacked them wrong, or Maybe this is what you were meant to hear first. 

---

Make it a task once a day to be open to glory. 

---

The most useful question to begin with is always, “Where is my sensation now?” Everything else follows. 

---

Note number three: Everyone wants to try something before sensation, but it’s useless. It can’t last. Sensation is what creates durability. So I need to understand this first. 

---

Don’t undertake any action in order to be in sensation. Be in sensation in order to undertake action. 

---

The traditional clearing of the throat is now completed. 

---

No matter what happens, I always begin again, as though nothing has ever happened before. 

---

Well then, there’s a few remarks. Thought I’d share a few impressions about my life with watchers, listeners, readers, what have you. 

You know, if you work throughout your life and you search for the depth in your being, the most extraordinary things can happen within you. 

You can know what is meant when Christ says, the kingdom of heaven is within you.

For the gifts that are sent to us are immeasurable. And the things that a human being can come into contact with within their inner, their secret life, the life of the soul, are so extraordinary that they can never be described with words. 

And in fact, in a certain way, everything that has ever been written or said about them falls so far short that it might as well be the difference between light and darkness. 

For there is a light in the soul that knows no boundaries, and we are made of nothing but. 

I suppose I’ll leave it at that for today. 

Thanks for watching. Catch you next time.

Thank you for sunshine

Comforts of home. Now

Guess I’m surprised though I shouldn’t be by the effect weather has on my mood. Plus it’s warm and summery today

  A said he had a good day, calm. I am grateful from that and to hear him say so. TNJ

   No complaints from S. TNJ. Bless her through her moments  

   Lord I adore your presence and comfort 

   Lord I confess I fall short of 

   Lord transform my grievous  faults so that I act in you will; forgive my placing my wants before the other one today and other times. I see I am quick to forgive myself

   Lord give us what we need to thrive for your will day by day.   IJN

    

God abide with us

50 years old at least, big and yellow

And thank you for your support 

As always, take special care of S today. Send her everything she needs to survive and thrive the day. 

Lee Daily Five Substack today, to remember itsnature: 

“ When the connection to gravity is a sound one, 

without interference from thought 

and when the stillness is more perfectly aligned with being, 

the taste of the vibration that arises in sensation is more concentrated. 

And this is the taste I wish to carry forward into life today. 

To remember its nature here in the body. 

And to stay with it in every moment that I can.”

Change of season

I love fall color. In Greenfield from LL corner about 5:30

Sky’s still gray after three days of rain, 

but the the leaves held fast 

We just came off the Saturday full moon which we could not see for constant rain. Surely its cosmic influence had some effects on us all this week

  J and A are watching Sox vs Yanks right now, first time together, and I’m hearing lots of laughter and spirited conversation. Such a delight to me!  Thank you Jesus for that young man. One of your angels, maybe, though he would laugh if I said that. 

  Another angel is moving on, to MDOT from hair dressing and daughter-like consideration. She’s in my will even. Bless her whole life and career change. It is the right move though a loss for us. 

    Daily must I lift up S for healing as she goes through this cancer experience.

  Nor would I neglect to ask your blessing on my other children and husband and family. We seem so fragile when a few shocks occur close together. 

   You are and must be the great addition. Buoy us up in every hour with realization of love from and for you, blessed savior.  Comfort us, like the mother hen gathering her chicks under her wing, as the Word describes. IJN

Must imagine the chicks

4-13-26 in the ‘hood