Sunday

Taos Pueblo, 4-3-2017

 “ Lord, I call to thee from the depths of mine iniquity.

I have not delivered myself sufficiently unto thee. 

I know not how.”

Water under the . . .

So that’s where the ducks go in the cold: 

Under the bridge

     I missed an opportunity to do a good deed today, and I am kicking myself in the pants for it, or in Work terms, I am feeling remorse of conscience. I feel like those urges and opportunities are tasks brought by angels for me to do.  But I fail, not infrequently, and can offer no excuses for my failures, only prayers that more will come which I will not miss them.  For the times I answer those calls to kindness, I am grateful.

     I was in the pharmacy, paying for a very expensive prescription, and the man next to me could not pay for his. I wanted to offer to pay for it, but kept quiet for what seemed like sensible reasons, like not invading his privacy and not knowing the price.  He left. Then I got into a detailed conversation with the pharmacy clerk an about mutual funds and saving money, not because of the man’s situation, but because of the expensiveness of my own prescription.  The young man seemed genuinely grateful for the information I was offering,  but it wasn’t the good deed I would have preferred, especially since i thought, hope he nor possible eavesdroppers were scoping out old ladies to rob. I was judging him: he had a black eye and tattoos and was very thin. So there’s another good intention spoiled by internal considering. God forgive me. Lord have mercy. IJN

     

     Lord bless those whom I wrong misjudge.  Lord bless those I love. Lord bless this country. Lord help this world.  Lord keep green the memories of my parents and ancestors and in-laws. IJN 

Blessing

 

Blue Rock Quarry 2-28/26

     My friend in Canada is named Blessing, and he truly is one. Such a help to my state of mind and in Work. Thank You, Adonai, for such a friend.

    And thank you that the NM CT showed no evidence of the heart disease I was being tested for. Help me manage the two conditions revealed.  IJN

Not again

 

Empty nest, Yesterday in the park

     So I created another argument in webinar last night, this time rudely, insistently interrupting the nonstop essence talkers.  S hung up, after calling me a bookworm, as if to insult.  

     That’s three times this month I’ve made people dislike me. I’m not liking myself. I must be doing something wrong, which might prove to be movement towards the desired “goal” of objective conscience.  My discomfort shows me I ain’t got that and that I’m not indifferent as I wish I was, should be.  

         Am I starving among my people? I sense that I want to cast them all aside, as my gal S has done, find some agreeable friends who like and. respect me. Am I being egocentric or truly not receiving what feeds my trogoautoegocratic process?  I possibly could be suffering à la Parktdolg duty, which may coat the kjb, but it’s rough.  

     Thus do I dare ask you to rescue me,  Lord, like Peter or Jonah, from sinking in this dark, tumultuous sea of self?  Lord have mercy.  Especially if these “lessons,” this friction, is my medicine. IJN

New lenses

Reflection close-up, Monday

     How can they not know they are rich?  You said let those who have eyes see. You did not say those who see will feel dismay when others don’t see.  Human consternation is not your problem, however, and therefore I should give it up. Money is indeed the root of evil, if evil exists. If it doesn’t, money is at least the root of all our flights over power, over who rules whom, over has and has not.  That’s my take away from the Monday night webinar exchange, and why we never see eye to eye or tolerate the possibility of our own blindness.  

     Relinquishing this “wise” impression is so difficult, though I acknowledge it’s only a vanity -certainty that I know best- that separates me from Objective Reason and, that untrusted word, Joy.  Someone wiser said this week, let nothing stand between you and the joy of living. That makes the most sense to me.  

     Would it be sacrilegious or impudent or merely playful to nickname you Joy, Lord?  Do you have enough names already?

     Lord of joy, I am truly grateful for the material position I enjoy in this life.  Send your angels to take the scales from all our eyes.  Thank you. IJN

     

Trail redux

 

Moose tracks?  They area big hoof prints

We  smell something interesting. Let’s roll in it

Do I smell like it now?

My mother was right. Silence is golden.

High places

 

Little Kennesaw Mountain from big Kennesaw 4-3-14

High places are sacred places

One of my favorite places of my whole life

     Gird your loins, Nita used to say frequently. I miss her and Diane W, friends who have gone before me. I do so little these days; they helped me stay involved in life. And I am grateful for C who does the same with her daily visits in this last year or more.

     Lord I used to think I was good at making friends, but I don’t make efforts lately. I’ve stopped, eg, going or caring to go the RB church since cold snap, and I’m skipping PSC Friday encounters with live people; then there’s the rift with sis L.  No excuses. Just no interest. I should pray, help me change but not sure I want to.

     I will pray bless the ones who still live in my thoughts in all the ways you will. And forgive us all our debts as we forgive our debtors.  IJN

     Lee, quoting Orage, on learning to observe:

     “ It is desirable, to begin with, to have a few categories or questions into which to pour one’s observations. Let us choose the following: origin, history, relations, use and future.”

     “ At first, not only will you discover, to your surprise, both how much you know and how much you do not know, but the difference in feeling between observing, thinking, remembering, reasoning, imagination and fancy.”