But here I am at the dreg ends of the day after a phone fight with S realizing I’m angry and worried I can’t cope.with quick image of blowing my brains out. I don’t like this complex of suffering, in self, as surrogate, as bossy incompetent manager resented by all mu”loved ones.” Jesus show me the way. And thank you for the blessings.
No entry on Saturday. Must have been too tired or totally forgetful
I am thankful for C’s visits. And for I.
Lord. One word to remind me of your importance always. I pray for I’s safe interesting but uneventful journey. I pray for JG’s recuperation of rights and rep, of righteous redemption. Show me how and when. IJN. Lord.
I’ve been initialing wrong for months. It’s not TNJ it’s TYJ. I beg your pardon. The intention was good, Lord. lord Lord
It’s ok: I was using INJ. Which. I definitely need to pray daily. When a day goes so smoothly and interestingly as today I do feel like saying praise Jesus and thank you, gracious Lord. This must be the contentment, nay, Joy that LvL talks of daily.
Therefore, when you set yourself to this work and feel, by grace, that God has called you to it, lift up your heart to God with a gentle stirring of love. Intend God who made you, redeemed you, and called you—but receive no other image or concept of him.
Indeed, even these need not be retained unless you desire them; for a naked intention directed toward God alone, without any other motive, is fully sufficient.
If you wish to clothe this intention in a single word, so that you may hold it more firmly, choose a short word of one syllable—for the shorter the word, the better it accords with the work of the spirit.
Such a word may be “God” or “Love.” Choose whichever you prefer, or another word of one syllable that pleases you. Fasten this word to your heart so that it never leaves you, whatever may happen.
This word will be your shield and your spear, whether in , inner Christianity, peace or in struggle. With this word you will strike the cloud and the darkness above you. With this word you will beat down every thought beneath the cloud of forgetting.
If any thought presses upon you asking what you want, answer with no more than this single word.
And if the thought offers, from its great learning, to explain the word to you or analyze its meaning, say to it that you want the word whole and undivided—not broken apart by explanation.
If you remain faithful to this practice, the thought will not linger long. For it finds no nourishment when you refuse to feed it with sweet reflections.
Lee van Laer, Inner Christianity, Substack, April 17, 2026, Chp. 17, The Cloud of Unknowing
I love this. But I have to admit I am not a contemplative
