Lord, I’m afraid

 

51 today

We want to protect her she wants to protect us. Lord help us.  We just lump is huge. Nosy very til Christmas!!!  

What if this is the last time we meet in any apparent health?  I want to panic. Abide with us. 

Whither. Wither?

 

Changing

Just as my eye cannot speak and my tongue cannot recognize colors, so love cannot incline to anything but goodness and God. M. Eckhart set 22. On Lee Substac

Is there a time when I am not in the middle of confusion and doubt?

Sleep all day

 

What a strong wind looks like

Lord wake me up. I can’t seem to rouse myself Thank you for a smoother day for S. Odd how I’ve been away from Anyone. How do you talk to my neighbors as I am thankful for them. And for another beautiful day. And for my sweet little dog. Help me to be fair to him. And to A And to museum. 

Hard day

 

Old neighborhood 

Seems like it all went wrong. The onc team dropped the ball on the very first procedure, PET scan, so it’s postponed til tomorrow, delaying any treatment startup that much longer. And she went 24 hours between meals. Hangry. I just angry. 

Got refund on Wild Harvest pm after filing dispute am  

Found lost clicker after finding the lost one. Thanks St Anthony.  But egg on my face. 

So Lord is any of this really important?

Abide  with me, with us. IJN

Why ask why? I don’t

  

Fireweed on dog park trail 

I pray for a swift recovery for S and good  news from her doctor each time

I am grateful for this beautiful early autumn water

IJN

12-14-2016

From Lee Daily Five Substack 9-6-26 A New Attitude:

“ I cling to what I am with great determination

which in the end is strange, 

because if I ever get a real sense of what I am, 

immediately I see that I am almost nothing, 

and that there is nothing here to cling to. 

The body and the mind and the emotions seize on life 

as if it were prey and attempt to devour it. 

And my whole attitude is, in this way, mistaken. 

I need to realign myself with a different attitude 

if I wish to live 

and have an understanding of life 

in a right way. 

And in order to do that, 

it is very important for me to stop clinging to life, 

to relax my grip on it, 

to let it go, 

to acknowledge that it does not belong to me

and to set it free 

so that it can find its own way, 

rather than having me as a tyrant and a dictator. 

Set free in this strange and usually unknown land, 

coming into its own natural condition,

Life always begins by greeting the body in its sensation 

with a kind of love. 

For life does not see the body as an enemy, 

but as a friend. 

And as I sit here receiving life, 

receiving life in a new form of stillness, 

I see the way in which the breath 

brings me into relationship with the energies of the planet. 

I see the way that gravity gathers them here. 

I see the way in which these energies have a wish to align 

with the influence of the Sun and its light. 

And I slowly begin to sense a state 

in which every cell and molecule 

acknowledges the light that is already in it. 

Already ready, able, and willing to align with the sun. 

And as I breathe the atmosphere of the planet, 

I begin to receive the gentle and intelligent emanations of the Sun, 

which come deep into the body here 

as a truth and as a blessing beyond measure. 

And even my negativity is touched by this 

in such a way 

that it admits its attitude is incorrect. 

And I see why the Lord's Prayer asks me to forgive, 

just as I request forgiveness. 

I begin to see more organically 

that in every part of me a new attitude is needed. 

And I bring the great prayer here to say….”

Almost missed today’s post

Two trail walks today

Two trail walks, second an unsuccessful search but saw for and fawn. 

Heartening phone talk with S. Thank you for your blessings, and ask that you pour your tender mercies especially on her in these challenging months.

Help this country to stay true to its roots in the upcoming election. IJN

Flow into Autumn

 

Still don’t know what it is, but I like it. 

Apparently, someone else does too,

since it’s now on a “pedestal”

Beautiful blue sky today with cool temperatures, a light breeze, and the sun’s shadows at that certain angle which announces the end of summer. 

Keep us strong. Keep us in your hands. IJN amen.

From Lee today, Inner Christianity Substack;

(From Meister Eckhart, sermon 11,finish)

See, God loves us so. God importunes us so. And God cannot wait till the soul has turned away and stripped off all creatures. It is a certain and necessary truth that God must seek us. as though His Godhead were at stake, which it is. And God can do no more without us than we without Him. For even if we were able to turn from God, God could still not turn from us.

I declare that I will not pray to God to give to me, nor praise him for what He has given me but I will pray to Him to make me worthy to receive and I will praise him because He is of such a nature and essence that He must give. He who would deprive God of this would deprive him of his own being of his very life that we may thus in truth become the Son. May that truth help us of which I have spoken. 

[reading ends]

So we are vessels into which the world flows. 

But it is not the world so much as God’s world, which is the wholeness of it in every particular detail throughout the cosmos. Everything flowing into the world from God, not out of desire, but necessity, God must give. 

There is something compelling about the relationship between this cosmos of creation and God’s being. Something that we don’t understand. And yet, even as we don’t understand it, we are living it. We are in the midst of what Emmanuel Swedenborg called the inflow. That place where life and goodness and even God himself flow into being without hesitation and without ever ceasing. 

And we here, as creatures of creation, are instruments made to receive that glory as it flows into being, here within every cell and every molecule of the body.

And to see that we are the beneficiaries of a goodness beyond measure, the light of the soul flowing into us perpetually and without sensation in an eternal and endless generosity. 

And for this we should offer thanks and praise. Amen. 

Visit

  

Friends. Today

There is nothing to do. 
I just need to be here. 

But this is already goodness itself, 
regardless of my tiny nature or my helplessness. 
I am still invited to be. 

Like every cricket that sings 
and every bird that calls, 
I am invited to be. 

And I need not worry or think, 
for it will add nothing to this glory. 

The only thing that this glory calls for is for me, 
to bring my being to it, 
held gently in my hands, 
and offer to participate. 

Lee van Laer, morning five Substack today, add nothing to this glory

Gochisousama desu

Bayside Tuesday

Gratitude is always appropriate thank you, Lord, especially for the sweet conversation with S last night

And thanks for the delicious muffins this morning

Not my will but Thine

 

Yesterday, at the bank near Ola’s

I think it, but I shudder  Let this cup pass — I really want to end there  Lord give us strength IJN

If we begin to sense love with the sensation of being, 
one begins to see the way in which 
without this, the world cannot be put right. 

And so it is the duty of every creature on the planet, 
regardless of its size or its nature, 
to take in this love 
which is given throughout all of creation 
as a substance for food, 

and to take it as deeply into the body as possible 
so that all of life throughout the cosmos 
can rest upon the foundation of love 
which brought it here in the first place. 

In this stillness, 
I listen very carefully.

Lee van Laer, Morning Five Substack today, I listen very carefully

Color

 

Geranium my favorite Color yesterday

I have come to a place 

where I can begin to see how helpless I really am, 
and how beholden I am to the forces of the planet 
and even the cosmos itself. 

And yet, this is not a source of despair, this helplessness, 
but a source of hope. 

A place where I see the extraordinary value of awareness, 
the very fine quality of its vibration, 
the endless beauty of its ability to perceive the world, 
and its open-hearted invitation to me ,
to always and everywhere 
participate in the receiving of these impressions. 

Many difficult things will happen each day, 
and yet I can always return to this place where the energy is whole. 
and supports me in being. 
I can always return to the grace 
that has helped me to arrive here where I am. 

I can always return to the goodness 
which inwardly forms every creature in creation. 
Inhabiting this earth
in relationship with many other creatures. 

Lee van Laer, morning five Substack

, I can always return, Today

Good morning, glory

 

An hour ago in the park. Never saw this Dry before

Time for tea. Already been to the park, even though slow and draggy. I am so clumsy lately!  God grant his peace for this day for the whole world IJN

It’s our turn

 

Sun and shade. Yesterday’s walk

That’s what DJ said. It just struck me as profound and true.

Rehearse Psalm 23 for solace. 

And give thanks for the bad and the good. IJN

Help!

 

Already?!! Yesterday

It’s hard to feel my help is unwanted even though I know the reasons. And I am truly frightened for her survival.

Then the images of the avalanche in Nepal are so haunting. Lord help us! And help us help each other. 

   I am especially grateful for JPG’s kindness and help   Thank you for putting him in my life. iJN

Can’t help worrying

 

Last night at 8 PM

Que sera, sera, No matter how I ask and I expect that. Help us to weather it with love and kindness. Let your presence survived no matter what IJN

God guide this day for us

Evening Primrose also at ER vet office two days ago

Keep us safe, each and every one, I pray IJN

Imagining the images of that flash flood in Nepal yesterday. Never saw anything like that:  all those poor souls running but overtaken by a black mass of water and debris, no escape possible. Then poor B’s fall and broken wrist, Red’s illness, and S’s diagnosis. 

  Again I pray, keep us safe in each others and your love, even though I don’t see your intervention. I know it may well lay beyond the visible world. IJN

Detritus

 

Vet’s patio yesterday

  Crabby, fatigued, clumsy, and overheated it is. Bad slumped posture. Sore knees. Time for more shots?  Oh. And did I say worried?  That always emerges when the other negative feelings do. Red, Red, Red. And our girl

  Lord give me strength and optimism. And bless the ones I care for. IJN

I need Your support

8-23-26 Glory in the ‘hood. Thank you

I need constant attention to that need for Your support. 

Lost and found

 

What a smile. I love this. 7-30-26

Nagging dream:  I’m at a school workshop on Gorham campus, Reggie there, and maybe Eileen. No point in staying. I don’t teach anymore. I. leave. Two big parking lots, I go to lower rear one and manage to find my car, an old one—VW? Turn on radio, go right onto an empty rural road.  Pass some classic style pillars that reinforce my notion I’m on back road of campus but shortly come to a huge structure like a ruined temple/ strip mine. I explore, trying to read its signs, but can only speculate. Not Muslim. People are gathering for a religious assembly so I leave but stop at a trash can for a clue. Man or two comes over and I ask who what. No clarification. Soon get to a fork in road. Go left. Encounter a bunch of women and babies—pediatric practice? Ask for directions no help. Go to right fork.  Same. Repeatedly ask Siri to navigate to Home address. No responses, except once it seems to indicate Pownal over to left. Wake up with urgent sense of being lost with constant futile attempts to get a response from Siri. I comes to mind. So does Daichi

Lord help us all day by day to find the way home through this life, to you IJN

            Lee Morning Five Substack today, chemistry…

And from this place 

I sense the way that life 

is born in goodness

and dwells in goodness. 

A fact that cannot be touched 

by the damage that is done by mankind. 

And from this place I grow roots of awareness 

into much more natural places than the places 

that the mind invents. 

I return to the body as though I were returning home, 

to a safe and welcoming place, 

deeply rooted in the experience of life itself 

and nothing else. 

For this is what goodness consists of:

Joy and sorrow, 

blended into glory 

here in this being. 

Thank You

Presumpscot, yesterday

 The attention of the mind lets go. 

And instead of attempting to penetrate the body 

with the mind and its attention, 

I do nothing 

and I allow the attention of the body to penetrate the mind. 

And here is the place where I see that the phrase, 

Lord, have mercy, 

is not so much a plea for help 

as a key that can be turned in this door to help open it.          

   Lee van Laer, Glory Be, The Morning Five,7-4-26 SS

God bless Daichin this morning. 

And I, and S, and E, and A, And J. And B, and B,and R, And A, and me. IJN

Recognizing

 

S’s hs friend lived there

To know, cognize, again. (Damned auto edit does not do that.). Went to LC‘s Meditation session last night, but left early. No energy for the hard chairs or the order. God is not in that place, if that’s what I was seeking. Then I set off S by phoning her after she had ranted about her bad day to her dad. I caused her overwhelm through repetition of the misery despite my good intentions, which as we all know gang aft aglay. I asked her for patience and forgiveness, as I ask of you, Lord. 

Reaching out, con’t

 

10-12–2019, at S’s funeral

Text to B and T C now:   

Hello, I have been thinking about you both this summer and B and family. I’m rather depressed however so not up for a phone call yet  But I do want to let you know that my daughter S  just discovered she has breast cancer. This will be difficult for us because she has no friends or family to help her through it and we are so old and far away that I’m not sure how much help we will be for her. I know you will keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  And I cherish the idea that you are my mother‘s sister.  There is still connection among us all as long as there is life and beyond. Love Sandy

So sorry to hear this about Susan   We will pray for her. And  you and Alan. We are getting old too.  We stay home most of the time. B’s family is doing great.  Their kids are going back to college this week. Time sure flies by.  Call me any time. I have been thinking of you too. You are special to us and love you. 😍 

Thanks so much. You help. I guess it does boil down to love. 

Yes. I like the bible verse “He knows the way I take and when He tries me I shall come forth as gold”.  I think it’s in Job. 

That’s a comfort. And you are still my quick link to Jesus 

2:20 am

Tonight

I begin to see that my mistake 

always begins with trying to understand life, 

an impenetrable mystery

when what is needed, 

here and now, 

is to understand being. 

To be with this sensation of the body. 

To take in its goodness deeply. 

To remember, with every tendril and root and fiber 

of this cosmological sensation. 

          Lee van Lear, Tounderstand being, Substack themorning five 8-19-26

2 am

4 am, The real butt crack of dawn on the right with the neighbors headlight I think

Stay awake

 

JPG‘s pick new player hit it out of the park

A bomb he called it

I pray for all the help we need

My world changes

Band practice , 5 pm 8-17

   Lord abide with us.  Us with you.  Bless the chilly , the music makers. Amen

I remind myself here for a moment 

that I cannot ask for forgiveness 
and yet remain unwilling to offer it. 

I cannot ask for love and remain unwilling to offer it. 
I cannot ask for mercy and yet remain unwilling to offer it. 

     Lee van Laer, Substack, the morning five,  today, goodness flows into being

Discipline slips

 

7:10 am walk

I hardly know what to say. Cloudy day doing nothing as usual, at least we all took a walk together this morning.  That  discipline seems to be holding, but I skipped another blog yesterday day although I took photos and piled up another good intent

     Lord, help us get through these new trials and help S Survive and thrive IJN

Rock of ages

 

Cleft for me,

 let me hide myself in Thee

I am tired today

 

Reach for what you need

Calling Red

And here he us

Lord, thank you for neighbors and children. 

Help them in oh. 

Thank you for those you have helped. IJN

Hail, you say

 

Was that thunder?

Sure was

Lord, did we get soaked!

And the day just kept getting better. Not  Starting with power outage, then notification red has Giardia 

But Lord give you gave us strength to get through it all. Thank you IJN