Eureka

 

20.17. S’s medical building

Felt like a eureka moment at web after reading a sentence from 253 BT. Explaining parktdolg duty as the way Ashiata’s initiates learned and passed on his teachings and acquired (merit) recognized and trusted by beings of all brain systems. (My dog?). The guys didn’t get what I was trying to say: experiential over intellectual. Not second hand books, read all the time. Follow the rules. “Aziz says it’s..,” felt like a slap in the face.  (Trust your own experience—nothing new for me, but people distrust me.   Fell asleep…

Intending to pray for S Jesus help and heal her. And me in my suffering for her. 

Sleep and ignorance

 

Early

Lee this morning, daily five Substack,  the song of lord have mercy

…My role is very simple. 

I arrive in the breathing and attend. 

I arrive in the sensation and attend. 

And through these two simple actions of attention, 

I arrive in my life here, now, 

and I attend. 

I attend on the inward breath 

as though I were a child breathing for the first time,

a miraculous experience 

that I never could have anticipated 

when I was in the womb of my sleep and my ignorance.

But now it is given to me freely, and I breathe. 

I attend as I breathe out, releasing the miracle; 

and as I grant the air in my body its freedom, 

it leaves behind a certain quality of energy 

that infuses every particle in the body 

with the sacred substance of being,

so that the whole body is filled with a light that emits no light 

For the light that it contains is the goodness of being,

which cannot be seen with the eyes 

or touched with the fingers 

and does not exist as a thought in the mind 

but is rather a sacred feeling 

that penetrates every particle in the body. 

I step aside to allow it to penetrate more deeply. 

And I see that the phrase, 

Thy will be done 

has to do with the way in which this goodness 

penetrates every empty space in the cosmos. 

Arriving in it out of nothingness at all times, 

to make existence itself possible. 

And I sense and feel the way in which this noble action underlies all of creation.

Penetrating every crevice. 

Here is where I become a particle of being. 

A particle of the planet. 

Under the order of the sun and the stars. 

all simply because I sense and I breathe here 

already I am given life responsibility, perception 

in order that I may help in this search. 

The effort to concentrate love and goodness and being 

more precisely here, 

in this location for which I am responsible. 

I am in relationship with what is needed here. 

I have received the substance needed to undertake this work. 

To go out into the world from this goodness 

and to offer it forward as best I can. 

Every particle alive, 

every particle breathing, 

every particle sensing, 

every particle being. 

……..

BLKSHP Scott: translations of hate are usually misunderstood in the Bible and should be interpreted as loved less most of the time. Esau and Jacob are the primary example but so are Leah and Rachel and other unloved women of the Bible. Esau and Jacob are Edom and  Israel, noncovenant and covenant nations. The potter shaping the clay as the potter chooses. And (perhaps) so with individuals. 

The question of love

 

Full moon tonight 

Lee van Laer, Substack 6-21-26, Prayer of Love

O Lord, 

We pray to thee that thou may help us this day 

To empty ourselves completely 

So as to leave room for your heart and your soul, 

Your presence and your grace. 

And we give thanks for this existence we have been granted 

And this life we live. 

Though we suffer, 

We know your love is here. 

Amen. 

Bewildered

 

Big shroom on dog park trail today

The mysteries of stuff like Shekinah from trusted sources like Chabad and Kabala, then GIG readings.  I don’t know what to believe. Guess I need your guidance, Lord. Please teach me

S exploded on her dad while I was out today. Glad I missed it but so sorry it happens. I’ll blame it on the full moon. Talked to C on phone. This afternoon. Same with M for her.  And JS birthday today with no inclusion for her mom.  Must be the moon. Right? The fault lies in our stars

I can also adduce in this place but a single, and that

an inconspicuous, illustration of the far-reaching influence

which the cuneiform investigations have exercised on our understanding ofthe text of the Old Testament—a result

due to the remarkably close affinity between the Baby-

lonian and Hebrew languages and to the enormous com-

pass of the Babylonian literature. We read in Numbers

vi. 24-27:

"The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: The Lord

make his face to shine upon thee, and be gracious unto

thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and

give thee peace."

Countless times has this blessing been given and 

received! But it was never understood in its full depth

and import until Babylonian usage informed us that

“To lift up one's countenance or eyes upon or to another,"

was a form of speech for "bestowing one's love upon an-

other, for gazing lovingly and feelingly upon another, as

a bridegroom upon a bride, or a father upon a son." This

ancient and glorious benediction, therefore, invokes on

manwith increasing emphasis God's blessing and protec-

tion, God's benignant and gracious consideration, and

lastly God's own love,—finally to break forth into that

truly beautiful greeting of the Orient, "Peace be with

thee!"

  P. 29, Babel and Bible, Friedrich Delitschz 1903

Help me Jesus

Hanging on schoolyard color today

I spent three hours this morning before sunrise listening to BLKSHP Scott about the Bible. Must say I love What he says, but I’m not quite trusting yet. Could be his cold eys and stiff posture. Help me to discern, Lord. Nephilim details!   Scary!  But Interesting information about Abraham‘s THREE  wives and eight, count ‘em, eight children, the founding of nations, and the family  intersections. Plus Gods reasons for this portioning, beginning with the Tower of Babel. Add in Rabbi Gordon’s Torah portion on Sarai, Hagar, and motherhood.  More later. 

Equalizer

 

10-21-26

“Six feet of earth makes us all of one size.”

Lord people scream, beg, and blame you. And each other. Cruelty is sin in the extreme. We invent and watch justice or vengeance stories. Help us, help me, to seek. Solace in you. 

RIP Brad S. You didn’t improve with age, but your mother loved you and did not have to see you pass before she did, which she feared. Blessings on your remaining family, bro, his wife and half sister. I should include your life long partner, though I’m biased against her for no good reasons, God forgive me; and bless her most. 

Lee van Laer, Inner Christianity substack, prayer 9-5-25

…Help me to find the right path, the straight path. 

Help me to see the right within life and to cleave to justice and kindness 

rather than the inclinations of my own will,

which cares only for itself.

For this I need your help. 

There is no other.

 

May I remember thee with each breath that I take 

With each step. 

With each word. 

Help me to see the clear sky within myself

and the light of the stars as they shine down upon me. 

Help me to remember that thou only art the Lord, 

and to offer this life that has been given 

back to you in praise and thanksgiving,

Hair shirt

 

I’m 10-18-26, going to the park

Lee van Laer, Daily Five Substack today,  Resurrection 

“There is a stillness at the heart of being. 

And whenever I enter that stillness, 

I understand that I begin here,

and belong here first, 

and that I belong to the stillness, 

for it is not in my own nature to be still. 

Yet the stillness has more authority than I do. 

I always seem to be drawn away from it towards my outer life. 

The things that bother me. 

As though I had a right to be comfortable, 

and uncaring towards the world. 

From within this stillness, o

I see that there is not enough kindness in me. 

I will need to seek it elsewhere. 

I see that there is not enough love in me, 

for indeed I have none. 

I must seek that also elsewhere. 

And so I come to this stillness, 

searching for a greater good.” 

…..:.

   Really it’s just never enough, is it?  so that I don’t trust love and kindness if I do think I see them in myself. Is that what Jesus intends for his own?  I’m not so sure about that.  But then, Lee says

“ A force that loves in ways I cannot love, 

and speaks in words I cannot say. 

It enters to care for me 
by reminding me of my nothingness. 
And unlike the moments where my ego 
resists everything it is told in favor of its own self, 
here, in this place, 

through grace, 
in this stillness, 

I see a way in which I am grateful for my own nothingness. 
It helps me to see that I could become open 
to the possibility of becoming something more real;
but only if I am willing to abandon everything I know 
and enter the unknown.”

And that sounds like Jesus telling the rich young man to abandon all that h has and follow Him. We know that, like almost all of us, me included, he declines sorrowfully.

Mark 10: 17-22,— And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”  And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.  You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’”And he said to him, “Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth.” And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

Matthew 19:16-22. 

The Rich Young Man

And behold, a man came up to him, saying, “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?” And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.”  He  said to him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The young man said to him, “All these I have kept. What do I still lack?”Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

Lee encourages:

“ And the sensation of being begins to spread 

from the throat through the whole body, 
as though it were the voice that speaks 
and the word that is uttered 
at the beginning of all things 
which makes no sound 
and has no name 
but nonetheless brings grace with it. 

A force that loves in ways I cannot love, 
and speaks in words I cannot say. 

It enters to care for me 
by reminding me of my nothingness. 
And unlike the moments where my ego 
resists everything it is told in favor of its own self, 
here, in this place, 

through grace, 
in this stillness, 

I see a way in which I am grateful for my own nothingness. 
It helps me to see that I could become open 
to the possibility of becoming something more real;
but only if I am willing to abandon everything I know 
and enter the unknown. 

From here I see the way in which the silent word 
is related to the whole body of life. 
Penetrating every crevice within me. 
Opening me in such a way 
that it is possible to breathe in a tiny amount of the goodness. 

Helping it to penetrate more deeply into the being body. 
Reminding me that although I have done wrong many times, 
it is always possible to begin again, 
to care for life and being, 
and to embody the forgiveness that grace can bring into being. 

And so I say, 

Lord, I call to Thee from the depths of my iniquity. 
I have not delivered myself sufficiently unto thee. 
I know not how. 

And this place of stillness 
becomes the place where sorrow can enter
and life can begin again. 

Here in this moment 
is not just the moment of creation, 
the moment of eternity. 

Through grace, 
it also becomes the moment of resurrection. 

Lord, have mercy. ”