Scary bad a-fib last night

 

Sending myself flowers from the ‘hood

       Around 7:30 pm right after my walk, food prep, and supper,!for about an hour, I felt.  High hobo measured -  159/90 if memory serves, pulse consistently around 141, headachy. I took my evening pills—propranolol and eliquis— plus an extra 180 mg diltiazim dated 2024 (I know better, but I was scared. 

    The whole incident got me thinking of the complications of our life since tha crash on march 12. Of If I die now. It could happen. No loved ones here to help with the transitions. Or support survivors, ir Red and my husband. This is hard .  Even thinking , do I call the doctor?  Weekend. Don’t want ER and hospital or ambulance. And eventually that may be inevitable. Not happy with my will and distance from lawyer or funeral home selected with A, also too far away. All down to no nearby caring relatives, as I saw when my parents and their generation passed.  So I’m worried. May be getting depressed and withdrawing. 

     S would come down to help her dad and Red for a while.  There’s a comforting thought  

     Help me, help us, great healer great Healer. IJN

Lee word

 

We both love a little dog

     I cannot pray or say so accurately and eloquently as Lee van Laer, so I borrow from him again today, from the Morning Five.

     “ I do not say here, "I wish to have being." 

For I do have being, as all creatures do. 
It is a gift given to me as a precious substance
in order that I may live and be, 
and to gather myself 
into a more concentrated expression 
of the goodness that the planet and the sun 
and all of creation need in order to exist. 

And so I enter into this fundament of relationship. 
The breath fills me. 
Sensation draws its being from the breath. 
And I begin to enter the stillness of the Great Prayer. 

And on the threshold of this sacred place I say, 
Lord have mercy 

for I sense I have been brought 
to the edge of a mystery so great 
that I will never fathom it; 

and yet still, in my own unknowing, 
this great mystery, the Great Prayer, 
calls to me, 

inviting me to be, 
to attend, 
to participate 

in a small taste of the glory,
which is everlasting. 

And although I can only ever hear 
the echo of the Great Prayer within me, 
it fills me with a longing 
for truth and love and life itself. 

I somehow wish to join its song 
even though I know not the music to it. 

Still, I will sing. 

This is the song of stillness, 
the song of silence. 

I am called to the song of love, 
the song of goodness. 

And here, within this place now, 
is where my soul comes to rest 
in order to begin the day.