I awake with bile in my heart this morning. Why, Lord? I don’t want to be responsible for other people, especially people who can’t or won’t be responsible for themselves yet whom I claim to love. I resent my physical heart symptoms and leg walking problems. I hate smote hot season with no ac and my responsibility for that, for managing the upkeep of a house. Rage, rage against the dying of the light but take me now, Lord. No don’t take me now. Red stilll needs me. I’m living for my dog! He doesn’t disappoint or bring me down. L being screwed by SSA. M beaten and paranoid again. C slipping. That’s the report from Cols. yesterday. Another beautiful twenty year with extreme disability/incapability. We all need each other with quiet desperation. We need You, some external omnipotent intervention, but can’t feel it if your help does come. Can’t believe that it will come. Well, what, can we expect for an easy sweet life, with Jesus sent to a cross? . How expect that?
Feeling Afib again, as every other morning dream of teaching school, wringing it, not knowing what I’m dong, two groups of students, one going along with everything I’m doing , the second class challenging
Lord lift this burden , I mean help us all to carry it, not take our lives to silence suffering. That’s going overboard. Balance, harmony, peace - too much to ask? Help us Jesus.
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