Bargaining?

      

      It’s not that I don’t care about the “good” individuals and families who came into this country illegally. And I truly sorrow to see their images as they are apprehended. It’s that I care how they came into this country illegally in grotesquely unmanageable numbers, that they gobble up material resources of legal citizens, and that they are pawned out as voters to keep petty Hasnamusses in political office, power, and wealth.  

     If I am saying this to to You, God, it can only show me what a fool I am; among a world full of fools.  Today I can not imagine a godly, ideal world, if I ever could, this no matter how many or whose scriptures I take in.  

       My husband reminded me that Thoreau in “Civil Disobedience” (1849) said, paraphrasing, that individuals should indeed follow their conscience, but be prepared to endure the consequences of defiance of law.  MLK and Gandhi followed his lead in their own later civil conflicts.  And I wish more of these modern activists were reading this essay than the “Communist Manifesto”or “The Little Red Book.”

      This is frustration that I would not talk about even on my webinars “Lest ye be judged.”  Practically no one I know agrees with me, but then, I don’t agree with them. I would never say God is on my side, even if they might, if they have God, not just “spirituality.”  This may be my huge sin for all I can surmise, but neither can I be convinced God is on “Their” side.  Pretty sure God does not take sides in horrendous, huge human conflicts, and that’s what makes living through hard times so hard.  This is the suffering I must endure for opposing the opposition.  Feels like a dog chasing its tail.

     I reach up to You and wish for guidance, and thank you for my “white female privilege.”  Not mocking You intentionally; making a joke to myself.  I just can’t believe there is white femaleness or black maleness, rich or poor, smart or stupid, or any human distinctions in Your realm. I can’t guess why my life has been “fortunate” in so many ways.  But I am grateful and mostly because after all my time I still reach out for You. IJN